and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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