You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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