Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
