Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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