BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Acid is not a monday night drug
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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