So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
