Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
