I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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