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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
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