Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
