I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
