Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
