Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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