You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
