funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
