How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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