3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
