I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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