just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Green mimosas i think yes
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
