while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
