You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
this boner is exhausting
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
