To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude i'm inner monologue high
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
