All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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