You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
