i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
