I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
