Apparently you make a good broom.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
