walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i came on her dog
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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