if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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