Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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