i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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