actually, I'm a sock model
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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