I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
