Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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