coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
