I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Watching her eat just hurts me
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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