i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just cropdusted the office
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
