How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
