I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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