ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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