It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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