this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
