so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Randomize
