and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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