Apparently you make a good broom.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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