I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
