New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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