There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
