Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
