worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think my moral compass just broke
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
