Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
