Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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