is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
